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  • Writer's pictureRachael Elizabeth Jones

My best friend and I broke up...Now What?

Hello, my lovely readers, I know it has been quite some time since you have heard from me. I took a break from my blog this past year to focus on creating a new life in Colorado and getting used to the pace of graduate school. I started grad school for my Master of Arts in Counseling this last fall at Regis and am now entering my second year.

Today I am writing to you about one of the biggest heartaches that a person can encounter throughout their life. Unluckily for me, I have lost two of my best friends as friends in my short 23 years of life. One of those friends was my childhood best friend of 15 years and I never thought we wouldn't be friends. My most recent friendship break-up was with my college best friend of 3 years. Now that some time has passed I am starting to see those friendships as transitional friendships. I do believe some people come in and out of our lives for reasons and some friendships will leave when they are no longer serving you. I have also recently realized what an amazing support system I do have on my side and my true best friend is someone who has shown me a friendship I never knew existed. I am so thankful to have them and they know exactly who they are. Fortunately for me, I also have a little sister who has been my lifelong best friend since the beginning of her life and beyond.

I think when we lose a friend, especially a best friend, a part of ourselves gets lost with them. I don't think this is a bad thing either, but rather facilitates healing. We need to lose or shed certain parts of ourselves after our friendship ends so that we can move on and make more space for other people to love us. This is not a simple task especially if you're like me and value your friendships so much, but it is needed so we can separate ourselves from the friendship we have lost.

The thing is there are going to be so many more who are going to love and appreciate you. You haven't even met all the people who will love you and care for you yet, what a beautiful thought.

The more time that passes the more I am allowed to see why we are not supposed to be friends after all. The sad truth is sometimes you outgrow people and you are not on the same wavelength anymore. People come into our lives to be a blessing or a lesson. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt and feels like a betrayal. I felt betrayed. I felt abandoned. I felt like I was cast to the side because they couldn't support me or understand me. I felt heartbroken and sometimes I still do now and then, but I also firmly believe God is showing me the toxic no good people in my life and removing them. I am thankful for it even if it hurts a lot.

I have also recently learned how to love myself differently after losing two close friends. I realized that I was not too much even if they made me feel like I was too much for them, it was simply their loss. I am just the right amount and I don't want people around me who think I am too much. Both friendships ended after I was *trying* to reach out for support and share how I was feeling. Those interactions showed me how little my "best friends" actually cared about me. It also showed me how much those friendships valued their self-pride more than trying to understand where I was coming from. I don't need or want people in my life that can't admit when they are wrong and realize we all make mistakes. It is up to that person if they wish to take accountability and grow from it. I am thankful to know what I know now and have both of them out of my life.

Part of me feels like this healing journey is like coming up for fresh air after I had been drowning. It's like I finally got the chains off my feet that were holding me back. I don't want people in my life that don't choose me and you shouldn't either. People that will easily discard you with no explanation are people who don't deserve access to you. Some people chose to live this life by taking advantage of the kindness of others for their benefit.

I have cried a lot during this grieving process and to be honest, I am crying as I write this blog post. It is okay to cry and be upset for as long as you need. Don't let anyone tell you that "it's time to get over it" or "move on already". Your healing process is completely yours and there is no timeframe when it comes to healing. Feel what you need to feel and sit in it as long as you need. I think when you lose a best friend it is also important to turn to others for support. You don't have to sit in it alone and it's okay to ask for someone to ride it out with you. Even if that person is a complete stranger who answered your crisis call. We are all walking one another home at the end of the day and our at our best when we stand together. If you do find yourself in crisis or needing someone to listen, you can now simply dial or text 988 to be connected with a crisis counselor 24/7 (America).

I think another part of losing a best friend is stepping into a new era of self-love. Realizing you don't deserve to be treated like that and you deserve people in your life that will love you well and not just when it's convenient for them. Stepping into your power as a person and not accepting ANYTHING LESS than what you deserve. Period! This is where I am transitioning to during my healing period. I am still hurting and I still get sad, but I am in mourning. I am sad it's over, but weirdly, I am thankful it's over too.

Here are five things that have helped me move on even if I am moving a little slow...

  1. Journaling. I find it very helpful to have a place where I can put my thoughts out into the universe and it helps me make more sense of how I am feeling. I often do this when I am feeling a very intense emotion, confused, or need to let it out before bed.

  2. Doing an activity you would normally do with your ex-friend but by yourself. This is where some of that shedding of the old you happens. You're giving yourself a place to enjoy something you did with them, but by enjoying your own company.

  3. Reaching out for support. I touched on this briefly earlier in my post, but I want y'all to know I mean business here!! Having someone (even a stranger) sit with you in this hurt will help that feeling of being abandoned. We are human and we all need to lean on one another from time to time.

  4. Cry it out. I know this society wants you to think that crying is a sign of weakness, but I see it as a sign of personal perseverance and self-awareness. You can't let those emotions eat you alive and you have to give yourself space to feel what you need.

  5. Finding a new joy/hobby to focus on. This doesn't have to be anything crazy, but it will distract your mind when those feelings become too overwhelming. For me, I recently started learning how to grow marijuana and it's been so fun to throw myself into something new. An hour will pass and I don't even realize it!!

Those 5 things have helped me and it's worth a shot to see if it helps you! If not, reach out to me on social media and I would be happy to brainstorm other ways to help you cope. My socials are all linked at the top of this page. Y'all can always reach out to me and I am happy to listen.

Just want to throw back out there that nationally in the United States, you can now simply dial or text 988 to be connected to a crisis counselor in your state that can provide emotional support and resources near you. I will be doing a more intensive blog post about the launch of 988 and what that means nationally and more specifically for Colorado.

Thank you for all of your continued love and support for me and my blog. I have a lot of exciting things planned for the future. I look forward to getting to connect with all of you like this again. As always, I would be nothing without y'all and my awesome support system.

Till next time you lovely, beautiful people...

and remember...


all my love,


Unapologetically Rachael

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